My name is Wale. I’ve been married for the past seven years and my marriage is blessed with two children. But the problem is that my wife has bluntly refused to bear my name. Rather, she fights me whenever I ask her to do the right thing. This has made me lose confidence in our marital relationship to the detriment of the children. Whenever I ask her to state her reason for not wanting to bear my name, she would say what is there in a name! Please, what is there in a name (her words). We got married in church. Your advise will be greatly valued.
From Wale,
08050715xxx.
Emmy’s Advice: Dear Wale
You didn’t state the surname you bear that makes her refuse. However, I suspect it is either she superstitiously thinks your name is a bad one which might affect her life negatively if she bears it, or she intends to hold on to her father’s name for the sake of inheritance or whatever privileges that come with sticking to her father’s name. If she is superstitious, she may have been told in her religious sect that bearing your name might affect her life negatively. So the question you should ask her is why hasn’t her bearing children who bear your name affected the children’s lives adversely. Her reason for not bearing your name might be untenable.
However, note that it is not legally compulsory for a married woman to bear her husband’s name. Sit her down for a frank talk and try to persuade her on the advantages of bearing your name. However, if she refuses, let her be. There is no need to quarrel over it because her not bearing your name does not affect your marriage in any way. She remains your wife, whether she bears your name or not. The most important thing is the love that both of you share. Don’t let anything (not even her refusal to bear your name) destroy the love you share!
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