I have no desire for my husband anymore

Dear Emmy,
I am Binta by name. I have been married for 13 years to my husband but have been with him for almost 17 years. We have two children together and I have a child from a previous relationship. About five years ago, shortly after my husband got out of prison, my husband began to chat with women online and portray himself as a single father. He has also met some women. I found all this out by checking phone and email records and finally speaking to some women.
I know he had intentions of having sex with some. However, I thought it was a phase since he had been incarcerated for six years. But two years ago before I gave birth to our son, I found out he was talking to women again and pretending to be going through a divorce.
As of then, sex had been only a few times a year. I do not have the desire for it. And I am so turned off by him because he cheats on me and lies to women that he is single. Since I am a Christian, I know I have to work through all this. But I really I don’t even want to be married anymore.
I really would like a divorce for us to go our separate ways. But he wants us to stay together. I just don’t have any respect or attraction toward him anymore since he was trying to pretend to be single & speaking to multiple women. I know he is still being secretive about things he does. I just want to leave because I feel like I can never regain trust in him again because of his behavior. And it makes it hard for me to want to connect with him physically through sex or even by continuing to live with him.
From Binta.


  Emmy’s Advice
Dear Binta,
Take your time… Don’t rush into taking any decision. You need to first discuss these issues with your husband instead of storing them up in your heart. That is dangerous and leads to malice and resentment.
You need to also ask yourself if you denied him sex in the first place, which resulted in his meeting women outside. If you denied him sex or attention, you could well be the source of the problem.
Even if you want a divorce now, you still need to make more consultations and get some facts about your husband’s activities behind you.
You also need to get support from your family and friends. Remember the good old days of your marriage and see if there is anything you can do to bring back the sweetness.
It might still be possible to rekindle the love you once shared. You could actually decide to iron out issues with your husband and stay for the sake of your children.
You and your husband may also decide to see a counselor because you both need counseling. Think carefully about everything before taking a final decision. Take your time and look before you leap.