She Is Too Jealous

Dear Emmy,
My name is Chima and I reside in the Eastern part of the country. I am 35 years old while my girlfriend is 30. The problem is that my girlfriend is just too jealous. For example, we were seeing a Nigerian movie yesterday and I made a comment that one of the actresses on screen was beautiful. Immediately I said that, my girlfriend hissed and said: “So if you have the chance you will marry her instead of me?”
She goes through the numbers in my phone and reads my text messages and emails.
The most annoying thing about her jealousy is that she always believes I’m seeing someone else.
Her extreme jealous is really affecting me. I want to marry her but I don’t know how I can cope with such a jealous woman. Please help.
From Chima,
Anambra State.


Emmy’s Advice:
Dear Chima,
First, you need to have a calm and frank discussion with her and tell her that her jealousy is in danger of ruining your whole relationship and life together in future.

People who are jealous constantly fear that they are going to lose their partner to someone else. And that feeling of insecurity in the relationship makes them paranoid.
Every relationship needs a good dose of jealousy, because being jealous shows that your partner still desires you.


However, extreme jealousy is very dangerous for a relationship because it is based on unreasonable suspicions, distrust and crazy accusations that are capable of destroying the whole relationship.
Everyone goes into a relationship to be happy. But the fact is this: Extreme jealousy ruins the happiness in a relationship. And when you can no longer find happiness in your relationship, the relationship would lose both its meaning and sweetness. And the end result would likely be to quit in order to go and find happiness with someone else.

Worse still, extreme jealousy in a relationship or marriage has a high potential to result in violence. And when extreme jealousy results in violence, your life may even be in danger!
So, what your partner needs to see is that it is her behaviour that will drive you away unless she change, not your dating another woman.

One secret for a happy relationship is this: Think of the love (and happiness) you share before saying or doing anything.

She needs to learn to stop and think about the love both of you share, before she comes out with all those nasty accusations against you and destroy the love that you share.

Besides, you must try to make her understand that what she thinks about you having another woman is mere imagination because there is no evidence to back her thinking.

She should ask herself: ‘What evidence is there for me to believe that my man is looking/seeing/interested in someone else?’ If she can tell herself the truth, then she will be able to see reality and stop being so jealous.

If she realizes that her jealousy is endangering your relationship, she will resolve to do something about it, and that means your romance has a chance of surviving. But if not, you may run out of patience later and then it would be advisable to quit the relationship and find someone else who isn’t extremely jealous to the point of ruining your happiness.

However, I hope things will improve between both of you if you follow the directions I’ve given you. I wish you the best.