Because my husband was so desperate to marry at that time, he put so much pressure on me to wed him within just three months of our first meeting.
He promised that he would take me back with him to Germany and I only agreed because I wanted to travel out of the country for greener pastures.
I fell for him because I was also desperate to leave the country for greener pastures. Since I was an unemployed graduate, I was desperate to travel to Europe to have a better life. So I didn’t care about his character or behavior. All I cared about was getting a man who would take me out of the country to Europe or America.
So we didn’t really have any realistic period of courtship before getting married. On my wedding day, we were like two strangers coming together to make vows, because we had not really known each other well enough to even consider getting married to each other in the first place.
The problem with Nigerians living abroad is that whenever they decide to travel down to the country to pick a wife, they hurry through the entire process. In fact, I got married to my husband in such a rush that I didn’t even have time to think before going to the altar.
However, after our wedding, my husband fulfilled his promise to take me to Germany. But in Germany, I soon realized that I had married a man who just couldn’t be faithful to one woman. No matter how hard he tried to hide his womanizing, I caught him cheating on so many occasions that I can’t count.
To add insult to injury, he not only cheated on me with other women but gave me STDs as well. The most painful part of my husband’s cheating lifestyle was that he gave me STDs all the time.
Sometimes when he came home after seeing another woman outside, I was tempted not to open the door for him. Even seeing him in the doorway with lipstick stains on his shirt made me so mad that I felt like I had walked into a trap by marrying this kind of man.
The first time I found out that I had contracted an STD from my husband, I wrote him a letter to read in front of me. It was a good letter, very matter of fact. I didn’t threaten or give ultimatums.
I simply told him that I was still committed to him and that I believe he is to me, but that my trust is shattered and I am very angry. I told him I want us to go to see a counselor or our parish priest and that we can fix whatever is wrong.
I wrote the letter in such a loving and tender way that he had nothing to lose by being honest with me and admitting he cheated. I basically said: “You cheated. I know it and you know it. And now I have an STD because of it. How are we going to deal with this?”
He read the letter. He was silent. I left the room to give him some time to process it. He came to me and offered a very strong denial that he has never had sex outside of our marriage. I started to cry and told him that I don’t believe him.
But my husband continued to strongly deny. He insisted that I must have had an extra-marital affair or that I picked the infection from a toilet somewhere.
I have now been married for almost seven years. I am currently separated and waiting to file for divorce because my husband was unfaithful and gave me an STD.
He has a history of lying to my face impulsively until finally I ask over and over again until he eventually tells me the truth. We were first separated for seven months until we recently tried to work it out.
However, when I again asked him if he had any sexual relationships with any women during our separation, he first pretended not to hear my question.
But I asked him this question again before we had unprotected sex, and he said he did not have sex with any other woman in my absence. The reason we had unprotected sex was because we were going to try for another child, since we already have a five-year-old daughter.
He told me that I didn’t have anything to worry about. But a week later, I noticed that I was finding it difficult to urinate. So I sat him down and asked him point blank if I had anything to worry about and that he should tell me if he cared about my health.
I told him that I wouldn’t get mad, and that I needed to know so I could get screened for STDs. It was then that he admitted to having sex with a woman…more than once..and unprotected.
At that point I started thinking if it’s worth keeping this family together if all my husband does is lie to my face? I just feel like he can never be trusted.
We are separated again right now and I do plan on filing for divorce because I feel like our marriage vows have already been broken and completely violated.
From hindsight, I have realized that my ambition to travel out of the country to Europe for greener pastures put me in such a mess. If I hadn’t been so desperate to leave the country for greener pastures, I wouldn’t have married such a bad husband in the first place.
I shouldn’t have been so desperate to travel abroad. I should have taken my time to know the man well before agreeing to marry him. I now realize that all that glitters is not gold.
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